Week 20...

Every Good Friday evening, there is a service at my old church. It's called Tenebrae: the Service of Shadows. It's divided into seven sections, each part devoted to one of the seven passages Jesus spoke while he was on the cross. There is usually a team for each piece. Each team receives complete artistic license in creating the piece; be it art, poetry, spoken word or music. The evening is dramatically heavy with literal and metaphoric depictions of what Christ endured in his suffering. After each piece, a candle is extinguished until the room is completely dark.

One afternoon, a few weeks prior to being assigned my section for Tenebrae 2010, I sat down at the piano. My guitar fingers hacked at the keys until, all of a sudden, a song appeared. I had no clue from where the lyrics came. They weren't specific to anything going on in my life. They just came; almost like they had been given to me. 

I had participated in two prior Tenebrae services, so I was getting pretty excited about writing for the next one. I emailed Steve Whitby, creative director at Warehouse 242. He was in charge of the planning for Tenebrae. I asked him if he had decided who was doing what for the service. He said that I was doing the second portion. This is the corresponding verse...

One of the criminals hanging there threw insults at him: "Aren't you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!" The other one, however, rebuked him, saying: "Don't you fear God? Here we are all under the same sentence. Ours, however, is only right, for we are getting what we deserve for what we did; but he has done no wrong." And he said to Jesus, "Remember me, Jesus, when you come as King!" Jesus said to him, "I tell you this: Today you will be in Paradise with me." Luke 23:39-43

After reading the verse, it all made sense. The song that I wrote at the piano that day was written for Tenebrae. I was so surprised and excited to share it. 

"A Conversation" is about reaching the end of yourself; About realizing that life is empty without faith; And that everyone is worthy of grace. It has been a couple of years since it has seen the light of day, but I'm excited to share the song again, with you. 

Enjoy, 

Christopher

     Recorded May 13-16, 2012. This was the first and last song that I've ever performed live, on piano. Please don't make fun of my playing. 

Lyrics

I hope You don’t notice but I’m going nowhere 

Almost as fast as the years

I hope You don’t notice but I’m falling apart

And not even just at the seams

And You say hold on, my love

Well, what is the use        

What is the use

Haven’t You noticed that I’m only half the man

That I have been claiming to be

I thought I was greater

I thought I could stand tall

But that just was deep within my dreams

And You say You want my love

Well, what is it good for

What is it good for

You say, hold on, my love

Well, what is the use

What is the use

You want to save me

You want to save my soul

Don’t You know that I’m a thief and a liar

My mind murders

It kills Your creation

These hands strangle love and compassion

My mouth has cursed You

This heart has hardened 

And still You’re here knocking at its door

I hope You don’t mind if I lean on your shoulder

I haven’t the strength to go on

Or carry me over these constant reminders

Of all that I’m not and You are